Walking

So, since this is the first post I'm writing for this new blog I figured I would explain the title. My description goes into it a little but I thought I might take the time to expand on this.

I see my self as someone who is finally walking in my faith.  For many of years I rolled around, unsure about life, about God and about myself. I was extremely suicidal and had no passion for life. The only passion I had revolved around ways to avoid life or overly risking it. Then something changed it all; not just something, someone. God showed up supernaturally when I was about to end it all. I couldn't deny him anymore. For many years after that I would crawl around proclaiming that I was a Christian but did very little growing and progression in my faith.

Slowly I would try to walk but would quickly stumble and continue to just crawl. Not thinking I was good enough, strong enough, whatever enough to walk. God is good though and placed many people in my life that kept encouraging me and believing in me more than I believed in myself. Soon enough I realized I was walking.

Please note that I do still stumble, fall, and sometimes choose to crawl for moments. But that's exactly what they are; moments. I surely haven't reached my full potential but that's not even on my radar. I know that God is giving it to me as I go.

Funny thing about that last statement. I am very success driven, that is my top motivation in life. Yet, I fear success the most at the same time. I honestly don't fear failure. I know that I'm not able and only though Christ I have strength. But having the faith that I'm okay enough to entrust with success, to entrust with other people and their best interest. To be in leadership, to be in the spotlight. That's what really freaks me out. Not to say this is my only fear, but it is a very real and present force that hides behind many layers.