Walking It Out

During my bible study this week I was asked a question: "Is your comfort your stumbling block in the way of your spiritual growth?" That's something I've been actually thinking about a lot since moving to LV.  Not exactly in those terms but I've been really analyzing what do I really, actually need.  Our perspective is so incredibly twisted it's not even funny.  I got a small dose of this when I was traveling to Africa and it wasn't too hard from me because I've been very poor at times in my life and know what it's like to go without.  However, what standard was I measuring against?  How much energy, time and resources do I use to make sure me and mine are at our comfortable levels opposed to having a mentality of "what do I really, actually need to survive so I can help others who cannot have what they NEED to survive?". I don't know if that hits you like it hits me but I'm just in awe of my eye sight being adjusted.  Ev...

The areas I keep on failing in ironically seem to be the areas that I have the most fear.  The areas that I don't think God has a handle on or maybe that he doesn't care about. I screw up the most, in my opinion, when it comes to my kids.  I lose my temper, I react in a way that I sometimes don't even agree with and know is not positive or helpful, I lose hope, I am overcome with fear.  What about raising my kids makes me feel so alone, so hopeless, frustrated and out of control?  I used to think it was because of my interesting childhood (not the clever way I worded that) but honestly as I go further and further on my walk with God I think it's something much more than that.  I think God isn't there for me there.  Why though?  I am able to trust him with so many things so why not child raising? Honestly I think it has to do with will.  I was a willful child, okay I still am struggling with that.  No one could tell me anything.  ...

Kind of a funny title isn't it?  In all seriousness though I have been thinking a lot about the "call" of ministry.  I don't understand why people say or tell others they have a call to ministry.  I read the bible and reflect on the scripture and we are all called to spread the good news.  To me that means we are all called to ministry.  But what does that look like? For me I don't think it means me standing on a stage teaching.  For me it means I am a full time--as in all the time--ambassador for God.  I represent him where ever I go.  I need to spread love, hope and peace.  Please don't think this means bible thumping because that's so not me.  I'm not a used car sales man and I appreciate investing in and getting to know people because if we don't love them they don't care what we say. So, if I'm a rep for God at all times that means everywhere I go.  Right now I'm only working part time from home but I still ventu...

Yesterday I was blow away by the thoughtful, kind, and transforming post written by a friend.  We are in a writers group together and he decided to start a #IwishUsawWhatIsee.  I was, and still am, blown away at his kind words.  It was easy for me to participate and write one for him and another group member.  However, this had lasting impact on me.  Last night and this morning it had me really, deeply thinking about how other people really do see you.   I think that we have levels of ability to see into a person.  This is my interpretation. Level 1: stranger.   Level 2: acquaintance.  Level 3: surface-level friend. Level 4: common friend. Level 5: close friend. Level 5.5: soul-peeker. Level 6: soul mate(s). Most of these are self-explanatory but some might not be.  Surface level friend I view as work friends that you typically don't see out of work and only share surface level or safe parts of your life. ...

One of the things that was ingrained in me by my family was a good work ethic.  I come from a working class family and work ethic is a very important characteristic to have.  I'm grateful for that because it has made me not feel entitled and gives me the drive to do my best to work for what I want.  However, when we are kids we don't usually appreciate it.  It's funny how parenting can give you a new perspective on so many things in life. Out of my kids my youngest gives me the most amount of sass (although usually it's just being grumpy) if he's asked to do hard chores or ones that take more than a few minutes.  Some days I honestly don't know if I feel like dealing with his attitude so I contemplate (and sometimes do) doing it myself.  However, I know that I would be robbing him  of his character being developed.  Of teaching him that he is part of a team and he needs to be a giver, not just a taker.  There are so many lessons to be h...

I feel like the overall theme I'm being taught this summer and fall has been about the power of unity.  This isn't anything new to any of us.  We've heard it, we innately know it, yet we somehow let division happen.  We let our pride, anger, resentment, jealousy, you name it--get in the way of our unity with one another.  Is God represents Love and is Love then who are we listening to and obeying when we are acting in contrary to love?  When we choose to be offended are we caring more about our pride then we are about the unity of our relationship?  Who is speaking to us, influencing this offensiveness, anger, bitterness and resentment?   Just some stuff to meditate on.  It's not easy at all but the more we really digest who God is and what he represents we are better prepared to guard our hearts and minds.  We gain the clarity to see through all of our enemies divisive tactics.  We are better able to stand in the victory that w...

For years I have heard about and have been encouraged to keep a prayer journal.  I assumed to know what that was and entailed but I've come to realize it can take many forms.  I kind of avoided it because I'm more of a task orientated person and I imagined journaling requiring me to spend long periods of time just sitting and waiting to see what the Lord tells me.  I also found that notion kind of intimidating.  I mean, if I don't hear from him what does that say about me?  Too much pressure for me!  Another way I envisioned journaling was completely writing down a history of each day.  Because how was I to leave out details?  That would be absurd.  It would also be quite the daunting task. Recently I felt like I was missing something.  I felt like the Lord was nudging me to investigate journaling further.  Then I read: “The Lord gave me this answer, ‘Write down clearly…what I reveal to you…’” Habakkuk 2:2 (can't recall the...

Some of us for far too long walk around with guilt, shame, low self-esteem, and a bunch of negative past garbage.  Who does this help?  Do you perform better due to treating yourself in such a manner?  Do you think you are pleasing God by punishing yourself with negative self-image and perception about yourself?  Do you think your misery somehow is a payment to God for your sins? Jesus offered himself up to pay for your sins.  He already knew all of the bad things we all would do in our lifetimes.  He died for the very worst of us.  Meditate on that.  Charles Manson; yup, died for him.  Adolf Hitler--yes him too. If you keep on thinking you can repay your sins by mistreating yourself then you are not fully believing that Jesus died and is covering for your sins.  The more you mistreat yourself, the more you will withdraw from God and is the essence of sin---rejecting God by thinking we can be our own God's. God loves you so v...

Without fail, when I voice my enthusiasm, joy and victory there comes an attack.  The attacks come in many forms but all with the same purpose; to distract me from all that God is doing in my life.  Over the years those attacks have morphed into much more subtle and sneaky ways.  I attribute that to the clarity we are blessed with the more we strengthen our faith through studying the word. I'm not even specifically referring to discernment, which I do believe is a gift that God gives up.  For me though, this is a gift he gave me at a young age.  Much before I was even saved.  However, I've had to learn to trust it and use it as I've aged. What I'm talking about is akin to  needing glasses.  It's as if the more I study God's word, over time my glasses prescription grows closer and closer to 20/20.  My perspective grows closer to his.  It's a slow process but measurable none the less. So when these attacks come the DD (defeated d...

I thought it was amusing for myself to look back and read this from this past spring.  Honestly, the journey here hasn't been my best experience but the Lord is doing some serious growth within me and my family through these struggles.  Trust him people!    My church (Freedom Life Church, Hampton) has an annual combined service and there is typically a different theme each year.  This past year it was "send me". I was honestly filled with a connection with this message, especially after going to Africa on a missions trip a few months prior. I was on fire to do whatever he wanted, wherever he wanted. So I thought. This year has been all over the place. Literally and figuratively. My husband finished working on an inspection team that took him all over the country approximately half of each month. I earned my license in professional counseling, and was able to go on an amazing missions trip to the Democratic Republic of the Congo teaching the locals how ...

Many of us have heard, or have come to the conclusion on our own, that social media is the highlight reel in the game of 21st century life. What does this mean and what are the consequences of being immersed in this social media culture? My drug, I mean social media outlet of choice, is usually facebook. This is where I have the most "friends" and I see the most activity among those friends. While scrolling through the feed my emotions, if I'm not careful, can fall prey to the subjection of posts. At times this can mean I can feel upset and isolated due to my, seemingly, different and more sensitive world views. Other times I can find myself envious for the happy and carefree life that my friends appear to live. I can let my emotions run unchecked if I'm not intentionally keeping these posts in perspective. Most people, myself included, don't post our troubles, dramas, hurts, disappointments, and regrets. Most of us post our highlight reel. The clip...

Revelation 1:3 God blesses the one who reads the words of this prophecy to the church, and he blesses all who listen to its message and obey what it says, for the time is near. In a previous post I shared that I started attending BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and we are studying the book of Revelation.  Well let me tell you, the ground has began to shift for me.  As I have mentioned this move has been very difficult on me as well as on the family.  However, all in all we have had peace in the middle of the chaos for the most part.  Here and there I would freak out a little, but it didn't last long.  I was definitely fighting the onset of depression.  However, kept on praying that God just make whatever path he shall have for me be obvious.  I sincerely was ready for whatever he was assigning me to next.  I wasn't sure if that meant a different job/career.  I had no clue.  What I did know was I was to wait...and wait I did. This pa...

Looking back at life and situations that arise, I think the most beautiful times were when I was fully in the moment just embracing whatever life had to give me.  Not upset over unmet expectations, not excited because I got what I wanted; just fully being content and free. It's funny, I would have these moments regularly when I was younger and not a Christian.  Hindsight can be a bit blurry and distorted but I do know that I had a lot of pain and mental anguish in between those times of bliss as well.  I would have thought, though, that after becoming a Christian those times of bliss would increase.  For me, initially, those times of blissful surrender to the present moment subsided drastically. The more I learn about God through the bible, teachings, and people the more those moments increase as I submit to Him being fully in control and present in my life.  The more I am in his word and studying it I see how his fingerprints are not only all over time (pa...

So many times that I'm feeling down and out about the way I look it's due to me comparing myself.  Most of the time it's unintentional but if I really start tracing my thoughts back I can see that even if I'm not directly comparing, I'm still comparing against what the world around me says is beautiful. I really think that God doesn't want us judging others or coveting to protect us and not to necessarily protect others.  Looking at the ten commandments I find it interesting how these laws are really designed to protect us from our own downfall.  Coveting (to want something very bad what you do not have) in my opinion seems to effect the person with those thoughts and desires more than it effects those the thoughts are directed at.  It's so easy to focus on ourselves and what we are lacking.  The world around us wants us to focus on that.  That's exactly what the field of marketing is designed to do; show us what we NEED in our lives. Focusing o...

When the pressure is turned up on us we tend to let our ugly seep all out.  Before moving a wonderfully wise woman shared some bits of experience with me pertaining to military moves.  In a nutshell she told me that I will surprise myself by the ugly things that will bubble up inside of me.  However, she encouraged me in saying that sticking through it and seeking God during those times will benefit the whole family; that heat and discomfort brings about healing. Bring out the ugly it did.  This was by far the worst move to date.  As I've said previously, if things could go wrong, they did.  Pressure and heat was coming from all directions.  We were being tested, we were under fire, we were in the process of unveiling wounds. I learned a lot through this move, and I'm still learning.  One of the specific things I'm learning is how nagging, even if I keep it in my head and don't say it, effects me.  I have already learned how important i...

I have honestly started three different posts these past few days and made a list of other topics that came to mind.  All of these ideas just sitting and waiting on me.  I'm kind of in a weird place, again.  I'm learning time and time again, that when I get into one of these funks it's time to get into God's word and worship. I'm fighting off a lot of internal negativity, hopelessness and frustration.  My sense of direction and purpose are all blurry and confused.  My faith is being tested and I certainly feel the pressure of that. God called me to counseling almost 11 years ago but I'm wondering if he will have me now take a new path.  I have no clue.  Many people like to parrot that God doesn't change his mind but honestly where is that in the bible?  Perhaps our understanding of the circumstances is limited by our perspective.  Maybe we are called to different things at different seasons. Moses was called to many different roles that ...