Beauty Day 21
Yesterday I went to a day spa and had my very first facial. Something that may seem so simple to others, yet it was difficult for me. After all these years I finally followed through with scheduling and going to the appointment. You see, I'm notorious for wasting gift certificates my husband purchases for me for massages and such by simply not using them. This time I bartered for the gift certificate and am right by the spa once or twice a week. No excuses this time, I wasn't going to allow myself to waste it.
Well, the morning leading up to the appointment I neurotically did and re-did my hair and changed clothes about 3 times. I really get anxious about going into salons and spas, for fear of cruel judgment. True to form I was early, I mean annoyingly early... I didn't really have a choice besides sitting in my car and waiting; I was already out that way and my other appointment ended early. So I had to sit and wait. Luckily the waiting area was very relaxing and women that came in and out were very friendly and I started to relax a little.
I'm then called back and we enter the facial/massage room. I'm instructed to undress from my waist up. Umm, didn't know that...getting nervous. I do so and climb into the bed. Oooo, it's heated. Okay, I can dig this. But then she sat behind me and the maladaptive thoughts start up and I feel my face, jaw, neck and shoulders tense up. She's staring at all my flaws, massaging my ugly face, seeing how my non existent chin line vanishes into my neck when I lay down. I kept trying so hard to let go and relax. She was doing an amazing job, it did feel wonderful but it was complex in that I was simultaneously battling demons within.
Then she tells me she will get the light and look at my skin. Oh brother, closer, really? She covered my eyes and had a bright light on me. I began to wonder if she also had a magnifying glass. Yay, get a good close look at my flaws. Interestingly, she began to compliment me on my skin. I of course kind of blew it off like this is what she tells everyone to increase her tip. However, she keep on telling me all of the various ways that my skin is beautiful. I'm not exaggerating, she probably told me about 10 different times by the time I left. I did start to feel a little better as I left but that all eroded away when I got in the car to test the validity of her statements. Ugh, no; my skin was hideous.
I went about my business and continued to struggle in my day due to a lot of stress surrounding moving and how the kids are dealing (not) with the stress of moving. Then God began to speak to my heart. I need to listen more closely to those around me, he tries to tell me but I won't listen. So he sends other people and still I don't listen. Through all my pain I'm constantly guarding my heart even when it's safe. I don't allow my wall to come down even for God to speak beautiful things over me. Time to test out the lowering of the wall.
Well, the morning leading up to the appointment I neurotically did and re-did my hair and changed clothes about 3 times. I really get anxious about going into salons and spas, for fear of cruel judgment. True to form I was early, I mean annoyingly early... I didn't really have a choice besides sitting in my car and waiting; I was already out that way and my other appointment ended early. So I had to sit and wait. Luckily the waiting area was very relaxing and women that came in and out were very friendly and I started to relax a little.
I'm then called back and we enter the facial/massage room. I'm instructed to undress from my waist up. Umm, didn't know that...getting nervous. I do so and climb into the bed. Oooo, it's heated. Okay, I can dig this. But then she sat behind me and the maladaptive thoughts start up and I feel my face, jaw, neck and shoulders tense up. She's staring at all my flaws, massaging my ugly face, seeing how my non existent chin line vanishes into my neck when I lay down. I kept trying so hard to let go and relax. She was doing an amazing job, it did feel wonderful but it was complex in that I was simultaneously battling demons within.
Then she tells me she will get the light and look at my skin. Oh brother, closer, really? She covered my eyes and had a bright light on me. I began to wonder if she also had a magnifying glass. Yay, get a good close look at my flaws. Interestingly, she began to compliment me on my skin. I of course kind of blew it off like this is what she tells everyone to increase her tip. However, she keep on telling me all of the various ways that my skin is beautiful. I'm not exaggerating, she probably told me about 10 different times by the time I left. I did start to feel a little better as I left but that all eroded away when I got in the car to test the validity of her statements. Ugh, no; my skin was hideous.
I went about my business and continued to struggle in my day due to a lot of stress surrounding moving and how the kids are dealing (not) with the stress of moving. Then God began to speak to my heart. I need to listen more closely to those around me, he tries to tell me but I won't listen. So he sends other people and still I don't listen. Through all my pain I'm constantly guarding my heart even when it's safe. I don't allow my wall to come down even for God to speak beautiful things over me. Time to test out the lowering of the wall.
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