Lost

The past five months I've felt beyond lost.  I've been praying over and over for God to show me his plans.  To give me the ability to see his path for me.  He's been growing my faith and I know it.  I have close friends telling me this is a time to be in rest and patiently await God to move.  It's been quite difficult.  I vacillate between being calm and centered on Jesus, trusting he has me and a complete wreck not knowing what to do or where to go. 

I'm starting to see all the pieces fall together slowly.  Okay, maybe I'm just starting to realize what game we are actually a player in.  Sometimes we have to spend time in the desert, usually figuratively, being lost so we can get a clearer understanding of what his long term path is for our life.  This time has been spent working out things within my immediate family.  He's been working on our foundation, which is in need of stabilization.  He has given me messages along the way from other people that he has big plans in store for us but I'm still not clear on what those are.  But I'm learning to sit and wait.  Not to act on instinct which is tied into my sinful flesh of being my own God and in charge of it all-controlling it all and scrambling to make things work. 

Things aren't easy but I can see all the blessings within the struggle. I can see him working and I can even see how he's using the struggle to strengthen me.