Walking It Out

The beauty of following. That isn't a title that I expected my fingers to formulate.  As we were preparing for the trip it was decided that my husband would need to buy a trailer and tow his motorcycle.  This also meant that I needed to follow him.  I hate, I mean HATE, following people driving.  Even if it's for a short distance, I would much rather use GPS or back in the day have them give me directions.  Shoot, I would even prefer a map. Well, for me God speaks most often through situations.  I learn through patterns, through connections, correlations, relationships and this is what he most commonly uses to talk to me.  As I previously mentioned, I wasn't too thrilled about the fact that I would be following him for 3654 miles.  My husband, umm isn't the most patient in traffic.  His response is that he isn't the worst case of road rage... Anyways, I mentioned to him that I was stressed out at the fact that I would be following him and asked if he could be mi

These past few weeks have been filled with so many emotions.  At times, the bad over shadowed the good but as our time came to an end in Hampton, Virginia the goodness of God shone brighter than ever for me to see. When I moved to Hampton I was a very new believer and luke warm would have been an understatement.  I was divinely saved by the grace of God from self inflicted death and transformed from an atheist to a Christian.  However, beyond that I didn't have a relationship with God or pursue learning more or growing in my faith.  I was still in a bad place of hurt.  No matter the origins or the reasons, I had huge deficits in my life when it came to maternal love and support.  I didn't like females and typically didn't have long lived female friendships.  I also still REALLY didn't like myself at all and still fought suicial ideation. However, as soon as I started my journey with Christianity, people would be present to lift me up.  People were feeding me whether

The moving saga continues.  We are 3 days away from our cross country trip and a week and two days away from arriving in Las Vegas.  I have been a ball of emotions.  Many of the small details, and kind of big details have not been very smooth but in the end they are all working out.  For about 4 days I was on the verge of yelling or crying and in between being in rest with the Lord.  It's been a roller coaster ride. Monday I was blessed to have coffee with some great sisters in Christ.  It's so amazing what can happen when we allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable to our struggles.  Most of the time we find out that others too struggle similarly and teach us wisdom through it.  I was so blessed by words or wisdom and encouragement.  One theme really stuck with me.  I was advised that when I'm struggling and find myself being short with my husband and kids, I should try speaking my prayer language; even if it's under my breath.  It was my sister's experience tha

I'm seriously feeling under pressure.  I was doing better than worse but for me when pressure starts flowing all the unresolved areas of my life start to feel like jagged edges cutting me all up.  The high majority of those edges I can't do anything about, they're out of my control.  Life starts looking scary. I just want to run away and hide.  I lose hope. I don't know if this is common for everyone, but this is sure common for me.  My view of God the father, the son and the Holy Spirit loosen and I start looking, okay dissecting, the mess I'm trying to walk over.  Last nights church service was amazing, like usual, and one part that stuck out to me was that he is always closer than we think.  Sometimes when we are in our trials we feel like they are so horrible, scary, and will take forever to fix; God feels so far away.  It's so hard to hear his voice, see his path, feel his love.  He's there, slow down and listen.  Slow down and talk to him.  Slow down

Accepting yourself as you are. I had such a blessed two days.  Yesterday and today I got to hang out with my best friend and our kids.  Today we spent the day at Water Country USA (a water park).  While I was there I noticed all types of women who either were noticeably insecure or comfortable/confident.  Each were different sizes, levels of being in shape or out of shape, older and younger.  There were insecure thin, young girls.  There were insecure thicker, older women.  Likewise, there were plenty of sizes, shapes, and ages of confident women as well.  I also noticed the people they were with.  They didn't appear to care what body type the women they were with had.  They just wanted to spend time with that woman. How much time do we worry, dislike, spend time harping on the issues with our body or face?  Thinking negatively or cruelty towards ourselves doesn't motivate us.  Actually, it tends to depress us and worsens our chances as changing what we don't like.  Acc

I had the pleasure of visiting with a special friend of mine yesterday.  One of the topics we spoke about was flexibility, or our lack of it at times.  It's so funny how we view ourselves sometimes in contrary to how other people view us.  Or even how we view ourselves  and then as we get older we realize that view was off.  To be more precise, I always viewed myself as easy going and flexible.  I would just go with the flow.  So I thought. In reality I would go with the flow, be easy going, and flexible as long as I was comfortable.  As long as I thought things were going okay.  More times than not it was a front.  I surrendered my thoughts, feelings and opinions to be lovable, likable, and cool enough.  I had no clue I was even doing this.  As I've gotten older and my desire to be liked, people pleasing disorder, has faded quite a bit and thus I'm more exposed and seemingly less flexibly and easy going.   As fear loosens it's grip on us and starts flushing out of

I've been getting so many ideas about what to write about day 33 but life has been so busy these past few days I get side tracked and don't write down the thoughts.  However as I sit in my car looking out at the water (I'm at Buckroe Beach) I am reflecting on how thankful I am.  How blessed I have been during my time in Hampton.  While I am able to run around and do errands and take time to write, my husband is at our house with the packers.  Packing up our house today and tomorrow and moving it out on Monday.   Anyways, as I sit and enjoy the peace that the beach offers my soul, I am reminded of how thankful I was to move close to beaches.  I felt so happy to be surrounded by water.  I was so appreciative of our house and each friend I was fortunate enough to make.  Then I think about how beautiful it is as parents for us to watch when our children are grateful.  One thing that I always admired, and still do, about my 13 year old daughter is how truly grateful she is, e

Arms lifted, praising all day through the trials One tiny hole tripped me up Slowly growing into a gaping pit trying to take my whole body Grasping for a solid hold and continuing to slip further in Until a beam of light peaked through A hand reached out and pulled me back up Arms lifted, praising all day for the victory This sums up my day yesterday.  I had many different trials come my way but continued to listen to messages, praise music, praying, reading my bible all while still getting my beloved checklist marked off.  By the evening I was mentally and emotionally drained and a small reminder of a deep emotional pain slipped me up and started trying to take me in.  I was actively battling it, praying to God asking that I don't think and feel the way I do about it.  Praying for wisdom, answers, peace.  Like always he answers those who pursue him.  Not always in our time but he does answer. <3

As I sit in reflection while on a break from organizing my belongings, deciding what the packers will take and what I need to keep for an unknown amount of time, I feel a great amount of peace and content.  Although it is quite sad for me to pick up and move across the country to a city unknown by me, without any local friends or family (or job or house...) I sit in peace. Don't get me wrong, there are moments (even about this move) when I'm not at peace and worry kicks in.  But how awesome, glorious and beautiful it is when we can be content, rest in our faith that our father in heaven has us in his hands.  I think about how beautiful it was holding my children as babies, and sometimes even now, how quiet, trusting and content they were.  My children didn't fuss very much, well excluding my son when I was not with him and they didn't typically fuss when I held them except when they had an unmet need they were trying to express.  How much more beautiful is it that our