Walking It Out

 Hi! I had to move to another platform due to this one having too many issues. My new address is: https://hillboone.wixsite.com/blog Have a wonderful day!

  Sometimes the most difficult "send me" response from the Lord is being told to remain. We crave a deeper, richer, more intimate relationship with the Lord and are ready to be obedient to whatever and wherever He calls us... Then His response is to remain.  There are so many layers that come to my mind when I think about the difficulty of remaining.  The first thing that comes up for me is that I can get frustrated when told to remain. It's as if I'm on punishment, I'm being held back (as in not being promoted in school). My heart really wants to do more for Him but yet He instructs me to remain. My mind goes to self-righteous thoughts; what can I do differently, what did I do wrong...all centered on my behavior, performance and capabilities.  Lord, help me see the error in my ways. Titus 3:5 ESV "He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit".

  Recently I found things coming out of my mouth that truly surprised me. I genuinely didn't know I was struggling. I didn't realize pride, judgement and criticism was rising up in me. And boy did it stink, it was horribly ugly and not okay at all. Not to make excuses but it started out as legitimate concerns but become a self-righteous stance as if I was the ultimate gatekeeper to protect others. When I finally saw it, I was having to balance out seeking God's help to uncover it all, renounce it, and repent all while fighting off the enemies attacks of extreme condemnation. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I felt like I didn't deserve to be in community, in relationship, etc.  I found myself hearing from the Lord that I've always fell short (and always will) and He's always loved me the same (and always will). That I need to continue to uncover my broken pieces so He can come in and I can finally allow Him to love me in these places. He even kindly showed me how th