Walking It Out

Let me first say, I fully get it.  I understand being afraid.  I understand thinking we need to be involved in government and make our opinion matter.  Fight for what is right.  Stand up for ourselves.  Don't let the bullies win.  Find them and get them so they can't keep getting us, fight for our right for freedom and our way of life. But then there is another part of me, a part that is overtaking my heart more and more each day that knows that's not the answer.  That knows there is something deep down wrong with that logic.  Better yet, questions where that mentality and logic come from. I have to say that studying Revelation has really pushed me even more towards not being afraid.  Knowing that the first mentality is not from God at all.  There are an abundance of scripture that tells us not to fear.  Why?  What does fear do?  It brings out the ugliest of humanity.  It has you working for the enemy, he rejoices in our fear, anger, hatred, revenge and war.  I

I don't know about you but I have lived more than half of my life not fully accepting correction.  I didn't trust the person who was correcting me most of the time and didn't trust their motives.  I really would only change my behavior if I thought it was wrong or didn't line up with what I believed.  I was respectful of most teachers and other authorities but I didn't listen to their correction.  Those closest to me I didn't respect for various reasons, some valid and some not.  Therefore, I didn't respect their teachings over my life.  I wasn't teachable and into my late teens and early twenties I actually thought I was.  I was far from teachable, but I played a good part to make it look like I was. Now, as a parent I'm seeing different degrees of this in my kids.  Both have a difficult time accepting correction but one child really struggles with this.  And because of their struggle, I struggle with trying to help them deal better with co

God's been working on my heart in this area, and I definitely needed it.  I am admittedly apprehensive and cautious when looking at new churches to attend and then join.  Due to my past experiences, the things that hurt my family or healed my family turned into a shopping list while looking for a church.  My list is actually quite short and many would agree that they are a good, Christian standard for a church. But God's been nudging me.  I'm looking for a church that has all of these things so it can suit me. I'm trying to control what's best for me.  I'm trying to create the perfect church experience for my family and I.  What if he has me going to a church so they can benefit from my gifts and talents?  What if his purpose for us being in that church surpasses my understanding and I miss out on great blessings and the ability to bless others?  Would I be more of an impact on the kingdom if I found the ideal church or if I find the broken church and l

I feel pretty safe to say, we're all guilty of it.  Choosing to unfriend someone.  Or maybe we just unfollow them to not shake the boat.  We all have our reasons.  Maybe we realize the person isn't really a friend, instead they are spying on us.  Perhaps we don't like their negative posts.  Maybe they're posting things we find to be racists, against our political/social/spiritual views...you name it and we have the reason. I don't always think it's a bad thing because we do need to watch what we put into ourselves.  We need to surround ourselves and be exposed to good, our friends should reflect what we want to become many say.  However, should we depend on social media like that?  Should most of our socializing be conducted via our devices?  If we move out of our comfort zone and have social media be a place for trying to make the world a better place through spreading positivity, love and grace what would that look like?  What if we spent less time on

One of the areas I think I lack in spiritually is prayer.  I go through times when I pray a lot and then times when I don't really pray at all.  I worship, I study and I look for God throughout the day and I guess I've felt like that was enough.  He knows our hearts, our thoughts, our desires and is control of all world events (Jeremiah 17:10 & Daniel 2:21) so what would my prayers do anyways?   I've been feeling him prod me to look into this more and deepen my understanding of the need and importance of prayer.  When I first started looking into it I really only could think of a few verses that referenced how we pray and the importance.  However, the more I look the more I see how important it is.  From what I'm seeing and understanding it has very little to do with us persuading our father or informing him.  It has to do with out relationship with him.  It is our way of communication with God.  It is another way to spend time with him and release what is

I find it so funny looking back at the various points in time when I thought I had it all figured out.  I thought I understood how the world worked and how everyone else acted.  Like most girls, that started at a young age.  I thought I saw the world so clearly but I was living with blinders on.  I only knew my limited perspective.  Then again in my 20's I thought I saw enough of the world and the various types of people to understand the patterns and motives.  It didn't help that I'm intuitive and received two degrees in psychology.   In my late twenties, early thirties my whole understanding and belief system started to crack.  The more I kept seeking out God and learning more the more my old foundation cracked.  For a good long time I wasn't willing to fully trust and live for God, I keep trying to gather all the broken pieces I had from before and stand on those.  It didn't really work.   I got to the point where I felt so incredibly lost, hopeles

A few days ago I read post on Face Book that I absolutely loved and couldn't agree with more:  "Pretty isn't the rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman". So many of us battle with the pressure associated with our looks.  whether it's to be thinner, more toned, more muscular, darker, lighter, prettier, more fashionable, etc etc... But why?  Why is it more than ever that our looks are so important?  Once upon a time, not as far back as we think, the standards were far different and preoccupation with our own, and other's appearances were not so common.  Many of us can spout out a bunch of common sense answers like: photo-shop, increase in visual feedback, increase in chemical rewards for looking good supported by likes and follows, and the battle with obesity making us have shame (and all of the effects of shame) for not being an ideal weight. My point is there are so many factors working against us in this world. Everything in marketing is de

I screwed up.  It's always so heartbreaking and deflating when I fall into the same old trap.  I've grown in so many ways but in a few areas my self control seems to be worse than ever.  BUT I'm getting better at looking towards Jesus and seeing how he wants me to work with it.  I fight a battle with shame, self-torment and beating myself up about it but that fight doesn't nearly last as long. One thing I noticed is God keeps showing me an out.  When these situations arise and I'm left with my hands on my face and my heart on the ground he shows me what I need to do next time to avoid this pit.  He is trying to save me from myself. I struggle with parenting my daughter.  My daughter hasn't ever met her biological father due to the circumstances of her birth and a few other factors.  Even though I've been married since she was 2 I still feel like a single parent with her.  In certain areas it's warranted and other areas it isn't.  Due to

Yesterday I read an article that was quite shocking and really made me appreciate my kids being healthy more than ever.  The article was about a child passing away after being put to sleep in a car seat.  Apparently babies can die from lack of oxygen when sleeping in an upright angle.  Commonly I would allow my kids to sleep in swings, car seats, and even with something under their mattress to prop them up due to reflux issues.  I had no clue that was even a risk.  This just makes me appreciate my life and my children's lives so much more. We may not know until we are in the new heaven all of the answers as to why some are healed, saved, protected and why some are not but I do know that when our lives are all good we seem to not appreciate anything.  We all have troubles in our lives and it looks different for everyone.  All I know is my perspective is shifting and I'm choosing to recognize all the ways God has protected me.  He's protected me from myself at times,

There always seems to  be a period of time I go through when I want to go be a hermit.  Up until a few years ago this was only in the dead of winter.  However, as the years go by this desire to retreat and be isolated seems to be increasing.  There were times when I wondered if I was starting to become depressed but I really don't think I was.  I was just overwhelmed and burnt out.   Now that my family and I have been transplanted across the country I have no social life beyond my kids activities.  Which soccer alone is quite enough if I may say so.  I'm doing so much less, however, I still want to cuddle up at home with the family.  I am quite content with not doing too much outside of the house.  I'm just wondering why. As I let my mind wander about trying to understand the underlying motivations and reasons I think I grow a little bit clearer.  First, I can see how God is using this time for us to purposefully spend time together without distractions of a bu

I have been someone who anyone could see as independent from a very young age.  I am a self-proclaimed Jill of all trades.  I haven't came across a challenge that I couldn't conquer, at least to a passable standard.  I use to be so proud of that.  If I put my mind to it, I could do it.  Although to be honest I was unhappy because it made it difficult to figure out what I truly love and stick to it so I could master it.  Regardless, I didn't need anyone, so I thought.  I could do it all myself or I would kill myself trying.   Slowly over the time of our marriage we have settled into some gender roles.  For the first part of our marriage this causes some major issues.  He got offended if I did yard work and that made my feminist thermometer overheat!  He wouldn't help with the house or the kids and would tell me I needed to tell him when I needed help.  That pissed me off because I didn't think it was my job to tell him things needed to be done; see a nee