Corrected Vision

 

Recently I found things coming out of my mouth that truly surprised me. I genuinely didn't know I was struggling. I didn't realize pride, judgement and criticism was rising up in me. And boy did it stink, it was horribly ugly and not okay at all. Not to make excuses but it started out as legitimate concerns but become a self-righteous stance as if I was the ultimate gatekeeper to protect others. When I finally saw it, I was having to balance out seeking God's help to uncover it all, renounce it, and repent all while fighting off the enemies attacks of extreme condemnation. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I felt like I didn't deserve to be in community, in relationship, etc. 

I found myself hearing from the Lord that I've always fell short (and always will) and He's always loved me the same (and always will). That I need to continue to uncover my broken pieces so He can come in and I can finally allow Him to love me in these places. He even kindly showed me how they started when I was young and how they served me for a short period only to push me away from other's as time went on. Only when we truly are touched by the Lord in these broken places will we be set free and able to love other's better and deeper. Not to mention allow ourselves to let love in as well. 

Through this process, and boy is it a process that I'm on my face throughout each day about, I've come to learn that humility is something we consciously have to regularly put on. Colossians 3:12 NIV "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." We need to regularly choose to put it on because pride can so easily creep in, fester and grow. 

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