The Painful Struggle of a Disobedient Heart
There were undeniable times of my life when I was consciously disobedient. I completely knew what I was suppose to or not suppose to do, yet I continued to do as I wished. As I've aged and grown, disobedience looks a bit different. There are a few different ways this plays out.
First and foremost there are the areas that I struggle with. To name a few: overindulgence in food, using foul/destructive language, and having a critical attitude. These are things I do that are disobedient but I don't want to do them. It grieves me when I end up doing these things. Paul speaks about this in Romans:
Romans 7:14-25New Living Translation (NLT)Struggling with Sin
14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart.23 But there is another power[b] within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Then there is an area of disobedience that is so very confusing because most of the time I'm unaware that I am doing it. Being my own God. I try and do it all on my own. I don't wait for his timing, his guidance and his wisdom. I do what I think is best, I let emotions dictate my direction. I let worldly knowledge influence me. Time and time again I see that his way is best and I end up setting myself up for hurt. I just need to keep remembering to pause in the moment and look to God. Nothing in this life that is meant to be can't wait on the Lord, he's sovereign and if it's his will and we wait on him, it won't pass us up.
14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart.23 But there is another power[b] within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
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