Walking It Out

Over the past two years I've really dug in and embraced couples counseling. Learning Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT= couples counseling based in attachment) really lit a fire within me. Not to spend too much time on this, but EFT was (and is) like the missing link in understanding meaningful relationships and why we get stuck in negative patterns. This is has honestly been the best time of my career and also the most difficult. First of all, this is a very difficult modality to pull off "correctly". I like to say that it's humbling. Second, it inevitably makes you go through your own emotional healing simultaneously because we (as therapists) can only take our client's as deep as we ourselves are able to go. During this time God has been really showing me my desire and gifting in helping those who are serving in ministry. If you knew my heart, you would know I very rarely deal with pride issues surrounding my gifts, talents and intelligence. I tend to ru...

Growing up I can only remember praying a few times.  Maybe it was more but I can only recollect a few times I spent in intentional prayer trying to alter a situation.  I spent most of my late childhood and early young adult life not believing in God.  Therefor, I didn't pray at all.  For much of my time as a new believer in Christ I prayed in a similar way as I did as a child, and if I'm being honest I still tend to lean that way now.   Desperation.  I only really prayed when there didn't seem like I had any more options of fixing or changing something myself.  Isn't the point of salvation that we NEED to be saved?  That we cannot do it ourselves.  I personally feel like this is a huge part of the sanctification process.  We need to continually be in a place where we recognize that we can only grow, change, be successful in our endeavors if we lose our independence.   Ephesians 6:18New International Version (NIV) ...

This New Year's I didn't make any resolutions but I did decide on a goal.  I decided to purchase the One Year Bible, NLT.  It has you read approximately 15 minutes of scripture per day comprised of old testament, new testament, psalms and proverbs.  Overall I like how they break it down and it's made it a lot easier of a goal for me to read the entire bible, which I've never done before because I get discouraged. I've got to tell you, even though I have found this much easier to read and less intimidating, I'm really struggling with the old testament.  Over and over with the God instructed killings of seemingly innocent people.  Killing of women and children due to a husband's/father's actions.  The offering up of wives and virgin children to abuse as they see fit to preserve the honor of the man has me really struggling to understand.  However, we are to look to God for our understanding.  There are a lot of interpretations out there, comm...

My family and I are finding this assignment here in Las Vegas to be a challenging one.  We've gone through many types of struggles and at this point we are looking forward to what's next for us after Nevada.  In the meantime I find myself looking around and trying to figure out how to improve the world around me.  This past weekend we (okay mostly my husband) were doing some yard work.  We (he) dug up some palm trees that wouldn't recover and replaced some of the old plants with new ones.  Part of me wanted to keep going, makeover the back yard so I would actually want to spend time back there.  However, I would have to keep reminding myself that we are here temporarily and we need to watch how much we spend on things that do not add value to our house/property. God seems to speak to me through these small moments.  A small lesson can translate into such a big life lesson.  We all are here on temporary assignment, we don't fit in here on Ear...

Avoidance is typically the cause of us becoming stuck, unable to heal further.  It's at the root of PTSD, it's what causes a trauma to become PTSD.  It can take trusted people around us to help reveal those areas in which we are avoiding and help us, well, stop avoiding it/them.  This is not privileged knowledge.  Most of us instinctively know that we need to open up with those around us to find healing.  In that process of trusting and opening up we find healing though increased connection and increasing trust in people.  However...that is much more difficult than it leads on when someone has been through many hardships, hurts, losses and traumas.   Trust needs to be established through consistent support, unconditional regard and lots of patience.  This is the foundation of modern psychotherapy (person centered anyways).  This can be found in community as well.  Once trust, true and deep trust is established then, and only then, ...

Without getting into the intricate details, I feel like God's been dealing with how I end up compromising my values/feelings/needs and let things slide out of a desire to not be rude, to be nice, to be accepted, and to not rock the boat.  At times it is good to be careful and thoughtful when dealing with difficult situations.  However, part of my scars carry the automatic response to compromise myself for the benefit of others and not wanting to upset them.  Not wanting to be the "bad guy".  AKA the problem child.  This might be a bit of a shocker because people around me might not think this is true.  I speak my mind pretty freely, set and assert boundaries and all of that.  It's not to a great extent by no means that this compromise is occurring. But, it's still there none the less.  I can't speak too much about men, but I can speak about women.  I believe all too many of us compromise regularly.  We deal with the sexual jokes ...

There were undeniable times of my life when I was consciously disobedient.  I completely knew what I was suppose to or not suppose to do, yet I continued to do as I wished.  As I've aged and grown, disobedience looks a bit different.  There are a few different ways this plays out. First and foremost there are the areas that I struggle with.  To name a few: overindulgence in food, using foul/destructive language, and having a critical attitude.  These are things I do that are disobedient but I don't want to do them.  It grieves me when I end up doing these things.  Paul speaks about this in Romans:   Romans 7:14-25 New Living Translation (NLT) Struggling with Sin 14  So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin.   15  I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.   16...

In marriage counseling I find myself talking a lot about choosing to intentionally turn into or away from your mate.  Our actions are either or.  There isn't a neutral position in relationships.  Same is true with God; we are either for God or for Satan.  There isn't an in between like many try to act like there is.  However, that's the subject of a different post. In our day-to-day lives we are constantly choosing if we will turn in towards one another or turn away.  There are many opportunities for being offended, hurt, annoyed, etc. if we chose to focus on the negative.  Likewise, there are plenty of opportunities to find connection, healing, love, etc.   I truly believe that God uses all of the bad and good situations to grow and heal us if we are standing close to him.  When we are standing close to him we are better equipped to follow his lead through the path and find the healing he wants.  However, many times our own hur...

It's so easy to ask this when we're going through difficult times in our lives.  I see many people who aren't believers yet ask, "If God is real, where is he?  How and why would he let all this horribly bad things happen?".  There isn't an easy way to fully explain it.  It's a layered answer that believers of all walks struggle with.  One the most basic level is it because he gave us free will so we could have authentic relationship with him.  Due to free will we make poor choices and so do others and all of this has natural consequences.  However, sometimes God does heal, delivers us from the consequences and or shields us from the world's evil.  It can be so difficult to understand because we are expecting to understand something that's beyond us.  We innately think we are so brilliant and that if we don't understand than it must not be true. Then there's the other side of this.  When we seek shelter in him during these trials an...

No matter what you've done. No matter what you are doing.  No matter what you will do God loves you.  He sacrificed his son knowing the worst of possible things people would do.  Meditate on that, think of the worst possible offense or a person or people that did a bunch of horrendous things.  He wanted a relationship with them.  Not only that he loved them enough to put all of their offenses on Christ, who was pure and innocent, and he paid for all of that on the cross. He grieves when his children don't choose him and choose to be separate from him.  God's perfect love is perfect freedom.  He always gives you the choice to choose.  Good or bad, but either way you're stuck with the consequences of those choices. I know it's so hard to fathom but even if you deny God, he's waiting to welcome you.  He wants you to be his.  He wants nothing but good for you.  All good and wonderful things come from God.  The enemy work...

Truth be told I've been in almost a perpetual state of exhaustion these past 6 months or so.  It is quite literally a battle for me each day to keep my eyes on Jesus.  Day by day I can see how he's working on me though.  I can see how he's working on my children.  I can see how he's working in my marriage.  This time that I'm spending away from friends and family has been perfectly orchestrated by our sovereign God.  Sometimes we need to be pulled away from it all to regain our focus. Sometimes our comforts need to be taken to strengthen our foundation, our character. With each day that I remember to seek him, the more he strengthens me.  Once again he blows me away with his intricate plans and provision for me.  I am completely undeserving, yet he blesses me anyways.  I continually fall short by giving in to sin in various ways: self-contentedness, greed, resentment and hatred, desiring to give into pleasure seeking activities and I'...

If I were to look back on my life I would say that the most amount of issues within any relationship seems to come from the need to defend oneself.  One or both people are offended by something and feel something deep down isn't right and they need to do something about it before it gets worse.   Psychology would argue that it's an innate human instinct, the need to protect oneself. In fact many of us are taught to protect ourselves in many ways growing up and through life lessons due to our natural tendencies to be trusting and assuming the best in people.   God calls us to be like children (Mat 18:2-6). When children are raised in healthy, supportive, loving homes they tend to be very trusting and assuming of the best in humanity.  Many of us as parents have to teach them to stand up for themselves.  In certain ways that's truly necessary.  However as life's pain accumulates we tend to get confused as to when it's necessary to stand up for our...