Set Backs

I screwed up.  It's always so heartbreaking and deflating when I fall into the same old trap.  I've grown in so many ways but in a few areas my self control seems to be worse than ever.  BUT I'm getting better at looking towards Jesus and seeing how he wants me to work with it.  I fight a battle with shame, self-torment and beating myself up about it but that fight doesn't nearly last as long.

One thing I noticed is God keeps showing me an out.  When these situations arise and I'm left with my hands on my face and my heart on the ground he shows me what I need to do next time to avoid this pit.  He is trying to save me from myself.

I struggle with parenting my daughter.  My daughter hasn't ever met her biological father due to the circumstances of her birth and a few other factors.  Even though I've been married since she was 2 I still feel like a single parent with her.  In certain areas it's warranted and other areas it isn't.  Due to the I feel such a crushing weight of responsibility that negatively impacts my ability to respond to her issues.  One of her issues that makes it hard is that she is on the autism spectrum and there are a lot of nuances to navigate through when an individual has certain limitations due to a developmental issue.

However, when she was 5 I was given a message from God about all of this.  I was going through Theophostic Prayer (look it up, it changed my life and took away suicidal thoughts I struggled with constantly since 10 years old) and God gave me an image of my husbands hands open like he was ready to hold the issues.  I can't exactly recall what he told me but essentially he was telling me my husband was here to help me with her.

Now 8 1/2 years later I'm finally listening.  I'm still screwing up and bursting under the pressure here and there but I'm learning to go to him to help me gain perspective.  It's so hard for me but I'm learning and God is showing me over and over he's here for me.

<3