Numb

 From time to time I get frustrated because I feel like God's word, my prayers and worship don't seem to penetrate my heart. I feel kinda numb, just going through the motions. I often hear other people stating their frustration with this as well. I believe we all go through it from time to time. For me, the closer and closer I get with staying on track with the Lord the more often I notice it. I don't think it's happening more, I honestly just think we notice it more. Our spirit becomes more sensitive to our proximity to the Lord. 

Personally, when I notice this numbness, I intellectually know this means there is pain that my heart is avoiding, going away from and trying to protect from. We don't have the choice in regulating some of our heart; if we regulate it then it's all going to be restricted. So for me, the first step is going to the Lord and asking for him to help reveal what pain I am dealing with, what area am I side stepping. Then I know how to pray depending on what comes up. Do I need to ask for healing in those areas? Do I need to address a spiritual attack? Do I need to repent (turn away from my own understanding and align with God's perspective)? Do I need to reconcile with another person? Then walk in obedience in those areas and watch God work. Side note: he's always working and is with us as believers but our hardened/numbed heart in these areas make it difficult to see, feel and hear him.

Walking with the Lord takes frequent self evaluation, not to overly focus on self as the world does but long enough to take inventory of where we are, what we need to heal, and direction we need to take. Keep your eyes on yourself just long enough to evaluate and examine your hearts, refocus on the Lord and then act. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love others as yourself. We need to find self compassion, true Godly love for ourselves, and continued healing in order to love others fully and whole heartedly. 

Psalm 34:18 ESV The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Isaiah 41:10 ESV Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 73:26 ESV My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Matthew 3:8 ESV Bear fruit in keeping with repentance.

Matthew 5:23-24 ESV So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Luke 10:27 ESV And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”