Walking It Out

Without getting into the intricate details, I feel like God's been dealing with how I end up compromising my values/feelings/needs and let things slide out of a desire to not be rude, to be nice, to be accepted, and to not rock the boat.  At times it is good to be careful and thoughtful when dealing with difficult situations.  However, part of my scars carry the automatic response to compromise myself for the benefit of others and not wanting to upset them.  Not wanting to be the "bad guy".  AKA the problem child.  This might be a bit of a shocker because people around me might not think this is true.  I speak my mind pretty freely, set and assert boundaries and all of that.  It's not to a great extent by no means that this compromise is occurring. But, it's still there none the less.  I can't speak too much about men, but I can speak about women.  I believe all too many of us compromise regularly.  We deal with the sexual jokes ...

There were undeniable times of my life when I was consciously disobedient.  I completely knew what I was suppose to or not suppose to do, yet I continued to do as I wished.  As I've aged and grown, disobedience looks a bit different.  There are a few different ways this plays out. First and foremost there are the areas that I struggle with.  To name a few: overindulgence in food, using foul/destructive language, and having a critical attitude.  These are things I do that are disobedient but I don't want to do them.  It grieves me when I end up doing these things.  Paul speaks about this in Romans:   Romans 7:14-25 New Living Translation (NLT) Struggling with Sin 14  So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin.   15  I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.   16...

In marriage counseling I find myself talking a lot about choosing to intentionally turn into or away from your mate.  Our actions are either or.  There isn't a neutral position in relationships.  Same is true with God; we are either for God or for Satan.  There isn't an in between like many try to act like there is.  However, that's the subject of a different post. In our day-to-day lives we are constantly choosing if we will turn in towards one another or turn away.  There are many opportunities for being offended, hurt, annoyed, etc. if we chose to focus on the negative.  Likewise, there are plenty of opportunities to find connection, healing, love, etc.   I truly believe that God uses all of the bad and good situations to grow and heal us if we are standing close to him.  When we are standing close to him we are better equipped to follow his lead through the path and find the healing he wants.  However, many times our own hur...

It's so easy to ask this when we're going through difficult times in our lives.  I see many people who aren't believers yet ask, "If God is real, where is he?  How and why would he let all this horribly bad things happen?".  There isn't an easy way to fully explain it.  It's a layered answer that believers of all walks struggle with.  One the most basic level is it because he gave us free will so we could have authentic relationship with him.  Due to free will we make poor choices and so do others and all of this has natural consequences.  However, sometimes God does heal, delivers us from the consequences and or shields us from the world's evil.  It can be so difficult to understand because we are expecting to understand something that's beyond us.  We innately think we are so brilliant and that if we don't understand than it must not be true. Then there's the other side of this.  When we seek shelter in him during these trials an...

No matter what you've done. No matter what you are doing.  No matter what you will do God loves you.  He sacrificed his son knowing the worst of possible things people would do.  Meditate on that, think of the worst possible offense or a person or people that did a bunch of horrendous things.  He wanted a relationship with them.  Not only that he loved them enough to put all of their offenses on Christ, who was pure and innocent, and he paid for all of that on the cross. He grieves when his children don't choose him and choose to be separate from him.  God's perfect love is perfect freedom.  He always gives you the choice to choose.  Good or bad, but either way you're stuck with the consequences of those choices. I know it's so hard to fathom but even if you deny God, he's waiting to welcome you.  He wants you to be his.  He wants nothing but good for you.  All good and wonderful things come from God.  The enemy work...

Truth be told I've been in almost a perpetual state of exhaustion these past 6 months or so.  It is quite literally a battle for me each day to keep my eyes on Jesus.  Day by day I can see how he's working on me though.  I can see how he's working on my children.  I can see how he's working in my marriage.  This time that I'm spending away from friends and family has been perfectly orchestrated by our sovereign God.  Sometimes we need to be pulled away from it all to regain our focus. Sometimes our comforts need to be taken to strengthen our foundation, our character. With each day that I remember to seek him, the more he strengthens me.  Once again he blows me away with his intricate plans and provision for me.  I am completely undeserving, yet he blesses me anyways.  I continually fall short by giving in to sin in various ways: self-contentedness, greed, resentment and hatred, desiring to give into pleasure seeking activities and I'...

If I were to look back on my life I would say that the most amount of issues within any relationship seems to come from the need to defend oneself.  One or both people are offended by something and feel something deep down isn't right and they need to do something about it before it gets worse.   Psychology would argue that it's an innate human instinct, the need to protect oneself. In fact many of us are taught to protect ourselves in many ways growing up and through life lessons due to our natural tendencies to be trusting and assuming the best in people.   God calls us to be like children (Mat 18:2-6). When children are raised in healthy, supportive, loving homes they tend to be very trusting and assuming of the best in humanity.  Many of us as parents have to teach them to stand up for themselves.  In certain ways that's truly necessary.  However as life's pain accumulates we tend to get confused as to when it's necessary to stand up for our...

This past month I've been quiet.  I've been digging in spiritually and spending more time observing, opposed to interacting and speaking/writing my thoughts.  It's been quite difficult at times, it's also been extremely rewarding after pushing through the pain.  One of the things that I started reflecting on was the digital thumbprint I am leaving.  It's interesting to think about.  Life before the internet, typically people wouldn't think about their societal imprint as much.  I personally think it's always been important but now what satan meant for evil God is using for good.  Through the fear of being judged for our actions on social media (and the internet in general) we are thinking more carefully about what information and impression we are leaving.  We are becoming more conscious of our web of influence, one of which always existed but now there is a physical representation of it, a potentially never ending one. This leaves me really ...

The past five months I've felt beyond lost.  I've been praying over and over for God to show me his plans.  To give me the ability to see his path for me.  He's been growing my faith and I know it.  I have close friends telling me this is a time to be in rest and patiently await God to move.  It's been quite difficult.  I vacillate between being calm and centered on Jesus, trusting he has me and a complete wreck not knowing what to do or where to go.  I'm starting to see all the pieces fall together slowly.  Okay, maybe I'm just starting to realize what game we are actually a player in.  Sometimes we have to spend time in the desert, usually figuratively, being lost so we can get a clearer understanding of what his long term path is for our life.  This time has been spent working out things within my immediate family.  He's been working on our foundation, which is in need of stabilization.  He has given me messages alo...

Let me first say, I fully get it.  I understand being afraid.  I understand thinking we need to be involved in government and make our opinion matter.  Fight for what is right.  Stand up for ourselves.  Don't let the bullies win.  Find them and get them so they can't keep getting us, fight for our right for freedom and our way of life. But then there is another part of me, a part that is overtaking my heart more and more each day that knows that's not the answer.  That knows there is something deep down wrong with that logic.  Better yet, questions where that mentality and logic come from. I have to say that studying Revelation has really pushed me even more towards not being afraid.  Knowing that the first mentality is not from God at all.  There are an abundance of scripture that tells us not to fear.  Why?  What does fear do?  It brings out the ugliest of humanity.  It has you working for the enemy, he...

I don't know about you but I have lived more than half of my life not fully accepting correction.  I didn't trust the person who was correcting me most of the time and didn't trust their motives.  I really would only change my behavior if I thought it was wrong or didn't line up with what I believed.  I was respectful of most teachers and other authorities but I didn't listen to their correction.  Those closest to me I didn't respect for various reasons, some valid and some not.  Therefore, I didn't respect their teachings over my life.  I wasn't teachable and into my late teens and early twenties I actually thought I was.  I was far from teachable, but I played a good part to make it look like I was. Now, as a parent I'm seeing different degrees of this in my kids.  Both have a difficult time accepting correction but one child really struggles with this.  And because of their struggle, I struggle with trying to help them deal better...

God's been working on my heart in this area, and I definitely needed it.  I am admittedly apprehensive and cautious when looking at new churches to attend and then join.  Due to my past experiences, the things that hurt my family or healed my family turned into a shopping list while looking for a church.  My list is actually quite short and many would agree that they are a good, Christian standard for a church. But God's been nudging me.  I'm looking for a church that has all of these things so it can suit me. I'm trying to control what's best for me.  I'm trying to create the perfect church experience for my family and I.  What if he has me going to a church so they can benefit from my gifts and talents?  What if his purpose for us being in that church surpasses my understanding and I miss out on great blessings and the ability to bless others?  Would I be more of an impact on the kingdom if I found the ideal church or if I find the brok...