Raising Kids with Grace
I'm not sure if I was born with a negative temperament or if it was born out of circumstance but either way I have struggled with negativity the better part of my life. In that many of my memories, events, and happy moments were tainted by my choice in thinking. Even after acquiring the knowledge and skills to combat negativity, I still find it a growing process. It's really hard, really hard.
Ten years ago today I gave birth to my baby boy. I love all my kids but me and my boy have a special connection (well, I have a special connection to each one; each connection is just different). He was miserable if he wasn't with me since the jump. He had horrible separation anxiety and nothing seemed to help, expect literally being close to me day and night. As he grew older the anxiety faded but I watched as it transformed and seeped into different aspects of his thinking.
I was so frustrating for our family to watch and witness how he looked at the world so negatively. We tried to encourage him, coach him, inspire him, redirect him, teach him skills to deal with the anxiety. Nothing was working.
The more I kept growing in my faith the more I learned about grace. Okay, still learning but you get the point. Learning about God's grace is transforming my life. Transforming my thinking and transforming how I interact with other people. I have always been empathetic, sympathetic, thoughtful...etc but what was my motivation behind it? Yikes, a bit much to think about at times. Anyways, I started to be much more intentional and present when interacting with my family. (ahem, still working on it every day....no saint here--trust that).
I stopped trying to CHANGE his mentality and thinking. Even though I was doing it with the best of intentions it was still me trying to change him. Which just created more resistance. Why? Was he oppositional? No, he didn't feel heard. He felt hurt. He didn't feel understood and instead he had people trying to change him. Would I like that? Would it be effective? Of course not.
This summer has been anything but a restful, ideal period of time. But God. God has grown us all in so many ways. Most importantly in our relationships. Back to the basics of listening, really listening. Sure there is still correcting, and punishment as needed. I'm not talking about extreme changes. I'm talking about balance and heeding to God's soft direction and hand in each situation.
I'm trying my best to listen, not try to change, acknowledge and focus on the positives I see within him. I speak to all the strengths I witness. Now, I'm watching them flourish.
Ten years ago today I gave birth to my baby boy. I love all my kids but me and my boy have a special connection (well, I have a special connection to each one; each connection is just different). He was miserable if he wasn't with me since the jump. He had horrible separation anxiety and nothing seemed to help, expect literally being close to me day and night. As he grew older the anxiety faded but I watched as it transformed and seeped into different aspects of his thinking.
I was so frustrating for our family to watch and witness how he looked at the world so negatively. We tried to encourage him, coach him, inspire him, redirect him, teach him skills to deal with the anxiety. Nothing was working.
The more I kept growing in my faith the more I learned about grace. Okay, still learning but you get the point. Learning about God's grace is transforming my life. Transforming my thinking and transforming how I interact with other people. I have always been empathetic, sympathetic, thoughtful...etc but what was my motivation behind it? Yikes, a bit much to think about at times. Anyways, I started to be much more intentional and present when interacting with my family. (ahem, still working on it every day....no saint here--trust that).
I stopped trying to CHANGE his mentality and thinking. Even though I was doing it with the best of intentions it was still me trying to change him. Which just created more resistance. Why? Was he oppositional? No, he didn't feel heard. He felt hurt. He didn't feel understood and instead he had people trying to change him. Would I like that? Would it be effective? Of course not.
This summer has been anything but a restful, ideal period of time. But God. God has grown us all in so many ways. Most importantly in our relationships. Back to the basics of listening, really listening. Sure there is still correcting, and punishment as needed. I'm not talking about extreme changes. I'm talking about balance and heeding to God's soft direction and hand in each situation.
I'm trying my best to listen, not try to change, acknowledge and focus on the positives I see within him. I speak to all the strengths I witness. Now, I'm watching them flourish.
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